The only thing more messed up than him is the embed code for the video, that I had make major modifications to to post in a WordPress blog.
Link to Story

But here goes: for those of you who have been dying to take on the role of Abstinence Educators and teach the tricky subject of Abstinence in places like church Sunday school, day camp, and public schools, this is the opportunity for you.

An intrepid reporter with this very motivation figured out what it would take (a payment to a website to take a “test”), took the test without even reviewing any materials, and passed. She is now a “Certified Abstinence Educator”—and you can be, too!

Link

So here is an allegorical tale for you. Of course, in the modern tradition, we can never know how real it is, or if there is any truth to it at all.

Dumbass.

It’s not like I run a surgical clinic that specializes in male-to-female sexual reassignment surgery. (Well, not in real life, but we surely can fantasize, now can’t we?) So what can I do for a person like that?

I am a fantasy magician. In my presence he became a woman, and I seduced her as another woman. I ran my fingers through her hair, smelling her perfume, and her smelling mine. I felt the warmth of her soft skin on my fingertips, against my cheek, on my lips. I tasted the sweetness of her skin, felt her nipple beginning to stiffen and grow between my lips as I began to suck on it, gently at first, then harder. I know that the nerve endings in the nipples go right to the pussy, so I knew she was getting wet. I could tell how much she was enjoying it from the sound of her breathing, from the little moans coming from her kissable red lips.

My fingers slid down inside her panties, parted her lips, and lightly brushed across her clit. Again she moaned, louder this time. I slid my fingers down to her pussy and slid my middle finger up inside, slippery with her juices. Once, twice, three times, then across to the clit again, rubbing gently at first. As she became more and more aroused, she could not help herself from writhing, from grinding her hips. I slid my finger across her clit faster, and she felt the excitement physically growing in it. Again I slid my hand down to her pussy, and this time put two fingers inside, more rougbly this time. I knew that while I was not touching her clit, the tension in it would be growing, yearning, reaching, begging for my touch.

So when I finally did go back once more, she was ready to explode almost immediately. Such pleasure she had never imagined experiencing with another woman. A slow moan parted from her lips, growing louder as her whole body stiffened and arched. Louder she moaned, then finally a scream that tapered off to a sigh.

I am a woman, I know what a woman’s body wants and needs, and I knew just what she needed at that moment.

What do you need? Call me!

Although the article says it is “offensive” to draw conclusions about penis length from the apparent length of the condoms depicted, I see it as silly, something obvious they should have considered when making the graphic in the first place, especially when they added that juvenile “size matters” link to the full-size pic.

The story