Time for a reality check.

Now if you really want a leisurely stroking session with a powerful explosion at the end, I can fix you right up. If you want 3 minutes, I can take care of you, too.

Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes

“Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!”

I think it is a novelty book. In fact, it’s only 61 pages long, and a review says that the recipes seem to contain cum only as an afterthought. Perhaps I could do a better job. Seriously, why bother with the recipes if they’ve hardly got any cum in them? Eating cum isn’t about good taste. That custard on the cover should be almost pure cum.

Right?

Do I have any volunteer recipe-testers?

Link

Here’s a tip from Ernest Borgnine on longevity.

Flirts can use a bulk mail feature to send these mails to everyone on their customer list or to only some customers. Some flirts abuse this and send out multiple mails every day. I prefer to let my customers decide what they want to buy by viewing my pages.

I woke up to find 5 bulk emails of the spam variety in my Niteflirt inbox from a flirt I had never heard of. The title of all of them was

“be lucky to see that , call yourSelf A sugarBitch and be proud to enjoy that movie,”

which besides being incomprehensible, is kind of weird, since “sugarBitch” is definitely not something I call myself. Since my specialty of late seems to be castration, I doubt many of my customers would see me as that, either. I suppose that a 1 in 5 chance of actually getting the video might be considered “luck” by some….

He had clicked at least one of my buttons (the Pathetic Male Game), which put me on his mailing list. So he decided that I would want to see a video of him playing with his pathetic weewee enough to spend $23.99 on a video of just that.

The problem was that the mails were sent up wrong. The first two were pay-to-views ror $20. There was no video attached. The third actually had the video attached, and was priced at $23.99. The last two were payment requests, with the message text “email the King if u like that ! ,”

Did I say I find it annoying when flirts spam me? Although I do think it’s funny that someone would not care that his customers would know he couldn’t set up payment mails properly and only got it right 1 out of 5 times.

I sent an email giving the project a FAIL rating.

He sent me back a reply:

dont tell me what is good or bad:) im better than u trust me /

and about those payments is niteflirt who mess all

thankx for warning

Uh, right. Niteflirt’s fault you fucked up. Sure. At least I know how to spell and make ptv’s that work. And had a huge night selling them without having to spam other flirts.

All in good fun.

Who knows why someone would want that particular form of humiliation, or any type of humiliation, for that matter?

You can call me to discuss it in a little gay humiliation phone sex session, and I will laugh at you, because yes, You are GAY just for thinking about other men’s cocks.

I even have a gay humiliation mp3 recording on sale through Niteflirt.

This video doesn’t necessarily seem to be loading properly anymore, so I will give a quick summary of what it was. This guy has apparently spent years injecting his genitals with silicone and turning them into a giant shapeless blob which can’t be used to fuck anymore.

But he is satisfied, because it was his goal to do this, and it’s different from anybody else’s.

Well, that’s for sure.

via videosift.com

Don’t forget to click through the video when you are done to see more of his video reviews of hilariously inappropriate toys and candies.

The whole slideshow

Here’s the deal: Niteflirt has decided to completely redo www.niteflirt.com from the bottom up. The interface will stay mostly the same, at least for now, though there will be (besides bugs) some features that are conspicuously absent.

The issue is that www.niteflirt.com is no longer the Niteflirt URL you need to go to log in. The URL you need to go to is beta.niteflirt.com.

Last week when Niteflirt customer service told us we could take calls but Niteflirt wasn’t going to tell customers about the site, a few girls who had (more or less against the rules) collected emails and chatID’s for their customers managed to contact them and get them onto the site. For the rest of us, Niteflirt management told us we could invite select Niteflirt customers onto the site.

Without contact information, there was no way to reach our favorite Niteflirt customers. Niteflirt email no longer forwards text to outside recipients, so there was no way to get the URL to them.

So what could I do? I posted this info in several blogs. Then today I changed my Niteflirt membername to “Try beta dot niteflirt dot com”, so anyone who read the subject title would have a chance of finding the new Niteflirt site.

And I had an occasional Niteflirt customer who found the blog post by searching on my Niteflirt membername, who also was able to tell me during a call that he got the email!

We talked… well okay, he’s always a fun call. He puts on a Russian accent and we talk about him training for the stroking Olympics. We talked about all the different events he would have to train for.

Okay, now you can call me. KTHXBAI. Its busy, so skip the button and just go to beta.niteflirt.com and click one of those callbuttons right there on that homepage. Yup, that means you!

Talk to you soon.

Here’s a cute little video to get you in the mood.